Confrontation

Confrontation-

 

People also describe sensations of SP as feeling wind blowing over them, or various kinds of vibration sensations. I had both at times depending on how deep I was into the experience. When I was around fifteen, as far as I can remember, the experience started to change a bit. I seem to remember there was a long time that it did not happen at all, and then it returned. It returned and was just like before. One time, I decided that I had had enough of it. When I felt that all too familiar “knowing” that I was about to be assaulted again, I decided to sit up and confront whatever it was that had been tormenting me. Of course, I should not have been able to sit up, since every other time; I have been physically unable to move. This time, I did not think of the impossibility of movement, I just knew I had to sit up and be ready for whatever was coming to me. I sat there in bed, waiting. Before much time passed, I saw a bluish/yellow pulsating sphere of energy floating down towards me. You may wonder about my sanity at just saying this much. But, there is a lot more to it. I had a feeling that this thing was aware of me, and I could hear it trying to speak to me. I had to concentrate to make sense of it. The words had a sharp super clarity that is not a part of everyday experience, and however they were being communicated to me, I was hearing them in the center of my head.

 

What I remember of the experience is that this entity was a bit surprised and even more than happy (almost proud) that I had been sitting there waiting for it when it arrived. It was as if I had passed some sort of a test, or more aptly, initiation of some kind. It communicated to me, that it had been attempting to get through to me for a very long time, and that it had been with me from my beginnings. It expressed this alliance in terms that made sense to me then, but I do not remember the actual phrasing. It seemed to be relieved that I had finally acknowledged it. I remember attempting to ask it questions- Oh, like, “who in the hell are you, and why are you doing this to me”? That sort of thing. I was not very good at communicating. It took more concentration than I had control of at that point to talk back to it. I felt lucky to be able to hear and understand what it was saying. And then, if you do not think I am crazy enough yet, it escalated a step further.

 

It approached me, and I was OK with that. It almost seemed familiar to me at that point, as if I could trust it to not kill me, or make me lose my hearing. 

 

The next thing I remember was that we were flying off to someplace. I know- it is only a dream of some kind. I can not fly in real life. But you have to remember, I was still convinced at this point that I was fully awake. It is hard to think in dream terms when you experience it at a level of consciousness closer to full waking. We went off to some “where” and some “time,” and had a long talk, sort of a talk and "get to know you" sort of thing. I know that in the experience I was told things about who I was, and why I was here, and why it was also here with me. I had questions, and they had answers. It was easier to communicate “where” we had gone. 

 

Then, I remember that we were returning to my physical location, and it was warning me that I would of course not be able to remember anything of substance that it had just related to me, but also that sometime in the future, there would be a time that I would remember certain things or ideas. And, even as it told me that, I could feel the memories of the middle part of the experience beginning to drain out of me. I was back. It was gone. And then the experience ended. The sensations faded, and I opened my eyes. I remembered the beginning, and the end, but nothing in the middle part, just as it had suggested. The blankets were tucked in tight, and there was no physical way I could have been sitting up earlier.

 

So, you might tell me that of course, it was just a dream. And, it may have been. The thing again is that to me, I was fully awake when it happened. Maybe it was one of those auditory and visual hallucinations. Could be. But, it could also be that in that state of consciousness between full awareness, and sleep, you can access levels of the mind that are not accessed usually. Maybe on those levels, this sort of thing happens every day. It will always be labeled as a hallucination or dream by science until they figure out a way to measure it physically. I am sitting here listening to musical sounds that are being grabbed out of the air by a tiny plastic box of circuits and flowing electrons. At one time in our history, if anyone had made a statement like that, people would have locked them up. Some still may think that I am too far off the deep end in this and that it is only getting worse the more they read. But actually, this was the beginning of this experience getting better. I no longer lived in absolute fear of that sensation. I no longer feared I would never live through each instance of it. The instances of the so-called SP went away for the most part.

 

To be continued  . . .